Further continuing with my life journey, where I have started a new job which was recommended by my neighbor sister at her husband’s shop. As previously I told you that my job was fixed by 600rs/month salary. The shop was selling Ayurvedic (herbal) medicines, the shop was near to my home. My boss was very friendly and helped me to learn the work. At the initial stage what I have to do is to open the shop, do the cleaning, look at the availability of water, and arrange the medicines. After done with this I use to wait for the customers, in that time period of the customer waiting, me and my boss use to talk about various ideas of business, including general talks as well. It was a pretty positive environment for me to work in. For a month it was the same routine, even I use to go to my boss’s house to take lunch, as she was like my sister only, so it feels like homely. Compare to my past offices this was far better, I don’t feel like I was in jail and love to work over here.

Life was getting better, has freedom in work, and morning tea was also available. Sometimes I use to sit with my boss for lunch and he treats me well just like his brother-in-law, as her wife was like my sister only. So a personal kind of relation was built. It was important to let you know about this how relieved one feels in the workplace if there was a kind of friendly atmosphere available. One enjoys his/her work like I was enjoying.

It was 1993 and I was done with my 12th board exams. Then I felt that I should continue my further studies, a spark from within strike in me. So I talk to my boss that I want to study BSc and straightway he ask me how I am going to manage the work and the college altogether? So I explain to him that in the morning I will open the shop, will do my daily work routine till 11 am and then will leave for my college classes and again in the evening I will back to shop, to complete my pending work. He has no problem with that and agreed. I was happy that my boss was supporting me for further studies. So I took admission to BSc (Bachelor of Science ) in physic, chemistry, and maths. Now I don’t have any idea that how I am going to complete my BSc degree, was started going to college. The university was far away from my home around 5-6 kilometers. My traveling was by bicycle only.

In the initial days of my university, I have no idea that I am going to feel totally isolated as I have no friends, culture was totally different. As we know that in the university mostly students bunk lectures and just do the time pass here and there, the same atmosphere was here as well. When I started attending lectures, within one week of time I got to know that I have to study by giving 100% or else it won’t be possible to clear. During the one-two week of the classes, everything was getting from above my head. I was unable to understand the subjects which make me feel so frustrating, so I thought of discussing it with my boss as BSc was a bit challenging for me to clear.

So knowing everything my boss said that it totally depended on me as I have to study, So if, I feel right to discontinue, go with that or else choose another thing in which I am good at or I can do it. After thinking a lot I came upon a decision of doing BA (Bachelor of Arts), at the end of the year I kept my eyes on the date of filling up the forms for the private exam from outside as in BAC one cannot go for private option and for Bcom (Bachelor of Commerce) I wasn’t eligible, the only option remains with me was of BA. Boss supported me for the decision. I stopped attending my BSc lectures. I am going to start my BA from 1994, as 1993 was already going on and full-year was free for me, by that time I started focusing on my job.

One day my boss asks me to go on sale rather than being at the shop, I ask him to detail me about what kind of sale I have to do. So he said that I have to travel places take an order, collect cash, and deliver of the order items including packings. I said that I am ready to go, I started going, so he asked me to go on a daily basis. I gave a shocking kind of expression as it wasn’t that easy to travel daily, as it was out of the city (Saharanpur). Surrounding Saharanpur there were many small villages there, I have to visit those places at their medical stores to take an order for medicines, then we use to send medicines by way of transportation and during my next trip, I went for money collections.

As my boss required sales, so we sat together and made a plan accordingly. We came to the conclusion that for 6  days a week I am going to visit all the places, my schedule became very hectic. As I have to keep on traveling on one village to another back to back, in the evening back to the city around 6 pm and have to do the packing of all the ordered medicines in a box, then to deliver that boxes via rickshaw to the transportation place, from where it will get dispatch to their related village address which I have to let them know.

I remain out of the shop, doing one or the other work, my day remain full pack with my work. It was my tough journey I can say, to travel to small villages in a congested private bus of villages was pretty tough, sometimes I get a seat, and sometimes I don’t. It takes around 45 minutes to reach one village then I complete my work over there, had my lunch at some shop, then again I have to wait for another bus. In a day I use to visit 3 villages. When I started traveling on a daily basis I use to like it and on the other side, it was hectic as well. Whether it was summer or winter, I have to keep on traveling, which is also on slippers (chappal). I still remember that in order to save money which was given by my boss as a travel expense (50rs) per day, I skip my lunch and save 25rs on a daily basis. It was good for me as the salary was 600rs and I use to save 600rs, so a total of 1200rs I get by the end of the month, so I try to save money wherever I can.

I did not remember the name of the villages but still remember my tough journey in life. This phase makes me learn a lot many things, had fun including good and bad days. Time flies away and here come 1994, and I went to fill up my BA form for admission, the in-charge person asks me that in which language I will prefer to give the exam, Hindi or English. I mention in English in the form, which means all subject’s exams I have given in the English language only, whether it is Economics, English or Psychology. After filling up the form only 2 months were remaining, what I use to do that I purchased guides for all the subjects as at that time question papers mostly questions were asked from guide only. Students use to mug up the whole guide books.

While traveling to the bus I started doing my preparation as by night I use to get too tired for study and has no time. This is how I completed my preparation in 2 months, finally, the date of the exams came and I gave my exams. I was pretty confident that I will clear my exams. My result was good I pass my 1st year BA exam by second division in the English language and was very happy. As I was not knowing English, so I use to read English comics and newspapers, I use to do self-preparation, confidence built in me. All I can say for this is that “Where there is Will, there is a Way”

After my 12th result which was not cleared, I got demotivated. People used to pinch me for that including my friends and relatives. I was completely lost and don’t know what to do next. My three months pass away like this only. Then I decided not to continue my study, instead, I will work somewhere. As the financial condition of my house was not good at that time. I belong to a nuclear family consist of a mother, father, and younger brother.

My brother was studying at that time, I was only 17 years old. Now the challenging task for me was where to work and in which field in Saharanpur. In Saharanpur, it’s hard to find a job as it’s a small city, all I can go for was labor work such as working in someone shop kind of. Important thing was to get a job. Actually, my family background belongs to the textile businesses like cloth boutique or shops, so family member insists me to work in a cloth shop. I wasn’t interested in that at all. So I went to one of friend Raju to discuss work and ask him to help me get a job somewhere or in his company. He said that he will ask if there is any vacancy.

Like this, around 5 to 6 months fly away. To cope up with this situation was frustrating for me and for my family as well. I was totally helpless at that time. Then one income-tax lawyer wants me to meet him for work and at that time I use to travel by bicycle. So I went for a meeting and he kept me for the work of submitting file from one department to another and of maintaining the Account book of the company. My salary was 200rs/month, which was very less but I have no other option. For 2 to 3 months I worked with him but after that, I felt that I am not liking that work. I use to come home for lunch and after that, I was not willing to go back to work. I was in a dilemma to go or not to go,

I go to work only to spend my day and one day after lunch I didn’t go to work. The next day Boss asked me why I didn’t return back to the office after my lunch, I started giving lame excuses and against that boss got angry and talk to me in a harsh way, finally, I said that I don’t want to work here and left the job. After coming home I realize that again I had become unemployed and started searching for a new job, I use to stay out for a long time in search of a job but nothing works out. Then one fine day my good friend Raju asks me to work on his place as he was getting married and won’t leave for at least 3 months. So I said ok, meet his boss and started my work over there in 400rs/ month salary.

The office was very small including a chair and table, there was no work. All I have to do was sit at a table until the boss comes and in the evening I have to close the office and hand over the keys to him. But my lunch timing was not fixed as when the boss visits the office then only I can go for lunch, it can be 1 pm, 2 pm or any other time. My routine was to go in the morning to his house, take keys and open the office, then wait for him till lunch and then close the office in the evening and hand over the keys to him.

The rest of the time I just have to sit ideally. For a couple of months, I was just passing my time from the 1st floor to the 2nd floor within the interval of half an hour or reading the newspaper. As the office was on the 1st floor. After 2-3 months he started giving me work of medical supply, he gave me boxes and I put it on the backside of my bicycle and went away for delivery. My whole day uses to spend in delivering medical boxes only. I use to cover approximately 20 km distance. I use to reach home by night 10 pm like from morning 10 am tonight at 10 pm I use to work.

Almost a year went away working over there as at the end of 1991 I have joined and 1992 also passed away. In the office, there was no facility for tea as well just do work of delivery and if some day delivery work was not there, then sit ideal, he just increases my salary by 100rs in a year.

Apart from this when I went to hand over the keys to his house, he made me do his household work as well such as fill up water pot, take his kids in the garden, etc. I could not able to understand myself as sometimes I use to feel good and another moment getting frustrated. I use to think that this is the way I am going to live my whole life.

When 1993 get started and I use to follow the same boring routine every day, my level of frustration went high, I started feeling suffocated and my age was also 19yrs nor even am I studying. I don’t have extra money to do anything or study, so every day the same thought used to cross my mind, what to do? One day I told my mother that I want to start my studies again, the mummy was like now what you will study as 2 years of a gap is already there and once a person starts working he won’t feel like studying with the same focus. But I was feeling from within that I should appear for the exam once again. Now full-time exam I can’t give as I have to work for the money, I don’t have my family support for the study but was getting guts feeling that I should give the exam again.

I thought of giving a private exam as in a private exam one doesn’t have to attend lectures or classes. Just have to appear for the exam. So from one college I went and filled a private exam form without informing my family, I somehow arrange everything including fees. I didn’t inform anyone about this re-appearing of the private exam form.  After a few months, the exam was there, so I don’t know how to prepare myself for that and if I study in the office then my boss will come to know about it.

If I went home and try to check my old books then mummy will question me for the same and that was fearing me. So one day I took out my old books and purchased guide books. Then after I informed mummy about my exam form and mummy started to backfire that how I will appear for that as the need to take leave from the work, your boss will agree or not, so I said let me first talk to him. I said that I will ask for one month’s leave, my mummy got panic that one month’s leave means no salary and he can fire me from work.

Finally, I have to prepare for my exams in every possible way and one month’s leave is also required from the job, I was afraid also that what will happen next but from within I have the self-confidence that I can do it. My boss was okay with my leave but the condition was to find another person who can work in his place for a month. So the same I did find one of my friends and ask him to work in my place for a month, just like Raju did to me. Then after I started my preparations and finished my exams nicely, after completing my exam I have confidence that this time I will clear my exam.

I came back to the office and ask the boss that I can continue my work from tomorrow as I am done with my exams. So boss question me that what I will do once I clear the exam? I said I have no idea nor even I have thought about it. So he said that do one thing find another job and let this person continue this work. Now I was shocked, thought of that mummy said correctly I might lose my job.  I was thinking that how I will say at home. When I informed my mummy she burst out in anger and said that now what I will do as result is also unpredictable and lost my job as well, have no money. So finally, once again I started searching for a job, there was a lady in my neighborhood.

She was like my sister, she was married and her husband opens a shop and was looking for a person to work along with him. She said to me that once she will talk to him about me as I can work, further I just have to meet him once and let see. I went to her husband’s shop, had good communication with him and he was a nice person. He said that I can join the work and my salary will be 600rs/month. I ask him what work will be allotted to me, so he said to come first then will see accordingly.

Today I wanted to tell you how I got here. It’s important to know because pretty soon I’m going to finally reveal something related to my success.

Anyway, the blog is a vital piece of this. And I’ve never really sat down to write why I started. So here we go.

Let’s start it from my journey of education. Just like the maximum family, I was born in a middle-class family. My birthplace is Saharanpur City, Uttar Pradesh, India, BOD 2/11/1974. I would like to inform you that in a middle-class family, a child is always pressurized for his studies, they have lots of expectations from their children to score good marks and make his career bright so that he/she can get a good job and financial condition improved.

I don’t want to compliment myself but I was a bright student during my initial stage of schooling. During my time what use to happen, all students used to sit on the ground or if the condition of the school is better than on benches. We all practice on slat-board or with the ink we use to write. Today’s technology and generation have been more active and fast-forward. Continuing with my story, as a school has different standards, so my school starts from L.K.G than U.K.G and then after you go to the 1st division. For L.K.G minimum age should of 4 years.

I studied in a government school and step by step I cleared both the section nicely. Then I came into the first standard and was a bright student and use to score the first position in all subjects, the trend of being ahead of my classmates continued for the rest of until fifth grade. It was Hindi medium school and sometimes you have sat on the ground and study as at that time benches were rarely available.

I still remembered those days’ teachers don’t write on a board, they use to write on a sheet of paper with ink or on a slat board with chalk, to check and improve one’s handwriting. Well, I use to sit on the ground on a rug for the study. At that time English was just a subject, no one has proper command of the English language, and we use to communicate in Hindi only. The government school was till the fifth standard only and the name of the school was Adarsh Kanya Junior High School.

Moving ahead now, it was time to change the school as my previous school was till 5th standard only. So in my family, a topic of discussion took place for finding a good school. Just near my home, there was one school name Vivekananda School, Saharanpur, which has a standard from 6th to 8th only. I don’t remember, it might start from the initial standard only but I joined over there from the 6th standard. The moment I entered the school I felt everything new for me as I have never seen such big classrooms, big buildings in my previous school.

I was a bit nervous as well. One can say it was a private school, while in this school also everyone uses to communicate in Hindi only.

During my initial days in this new school, I started getting bully by my seniors, to match the level of this school was getting difficult for me as previously I used to score on top but over here I lose all my confidence so easily. There was an indescribable environment there for me, because of which I was unable to adjust. As I was totally new student for this school, was unaware of the culture and the way teachers use to teach was totally different. I observed during my childhood that I was not able to adjust myself according to their changes. My family was unaware of it or can say they were just interested that I should score more and study well. Time flies too fast, we use to study for 10 hours like one and the other periods.

The teacher came to teach the subject and went away but I could not able to get it, everything goes out of my head. I could not able to understand what’s going on, can say totally blank. Slowly I get to know that I could not able to grab any subjects or knowledge which the teacher is providing. In short, I was losing my focus. I started getting panic to go to school, every morning I use to think today who was going to tease me, what teacher will teach, what if a teacher asks me a question, etc. kind of thoughts uses to run in my head. Till my exam time, I got so frightened that I started getting thoughts of fail. But family members and neighbor’s use to say that students only get failed in the board, not in the sixth or seventh standard, this was the mindset of the people during that time, the teacher will make students get through exams by giving them grace marks.

Finally, I cleared my exams but this panic and thoughts of getting failed use to continue with me till standard 7th, I always use to think that being a bright student how can I get failed but the reality was that I was unable to adjust to everything and with everyone.

My mother thought of keeping a personal tuition teacher for me, so my tuition classes were also get started. During my 8th standard, I used to revise everything at home which the teacher has to teach in the classroom. So I was pretty confident at that point in time that I will rank first once again, just like my previous time during the 5th standard. I was so happy by scoring first class in 8th, my confidence gets a boost once again.

Now, what happens we have schooling till standard 8th only, after that college start, so I was again thinking about my past condition of getting bully and all other stuff I went through! Keeping everything in mind I selected the average level of college where you can say that the environment was good. So easily I got admission as I was the first division passed. My junior college name was “SAM inter-college” subjects were the same as physic, chemistry, etc.

I was still more panicked to explore this college as this place was also totally new for me. I still remember that on the first day I got late and couldn’t able to find my classroom, as college was huge. I was running here and there asking peon way to my classroom, I missed the prayer as well. Finally, I got my classroom, as my section was 9^th B, not section A. I cannot forget that moment, the teacher asks me to set inside the class but I was confused about where to sit as all the benches were occupied, I got the last bench for myself and thought that this is how my first day has to start.

During my time this custom used to follow that on the first day whichever place you sit, then for the whole year, you have to sit in the same place. Slowly I get to know all about the teacher’s behavior and other students. If one doesn’t do tuition or complete homework so teachers use to beat them with scale. I have become helpless and again the same phase arrives, I started losing my confidence once again. I couldn’t understand the subjects, started getting the thoughts of fail. Someone suggested a tuition class to join, so it will help me to clear my exams.

I still, remember that there were 2 teachers group one was of mathematic and another was of physic/chemistry. Half of the strength used to go for tuition to mathematic sir and another half to the physic one. The maths teacher was a bit rude so I choose a physic teacher for the tuition as he was calm and compose a person. Still, I was unable to grab the things as the strength was the same as a classroom. Somehow I continue but one thing was there the physic teacher used to take the roll number of each and every student. At that point in time, I don’t know why they do so.

Further what teacher used to do that the students who are not going to their tuition class, they knowingly ask questions to them and when they don’t answer they punish them. That was the first time I got punishment and beaten by a teacher in 9^th STD.

Sometimes I use to get a red mark of scale and I use to hide from my mummy. So somehow I cleared my 9^th STD as well. 10th STD was higher college and I was appearing for an exam from U.P. Board. As everyone knows the board has no control of the teacher and all depend on the student’s performance only. So I continue my tuition from the same teacher. The same thing continues over here also unable to understand anything, still, I gave exams with lots of pressure of getting fail. when the result was announced I was at my maternal uncle’s house, during that time results used to announce at midnight, and in the morning newspaper, one gets to know about the pass-and-fail situation. So I got to know that I passed by second division, as this much only you get to know. I was very happy.

Now on the 11th, one has to choose the subject, for example from bio, physic, chemistry, PCM group, etc. so I chose the PCM group subject. I was following the same pattern of not getting subjects, everything uses to go bouncer. i just go to college to complete my day, attain class, somehow end my day. Everything was the same, so the teacher helps me to clear my 11th STD as well.

Here comes my 12^th STD exam as it was considered a top priority board exam. It is believed that the one who cleared the 12^th board has cleared almost everything during my time. So with the same situation just like previously, along with my nervousness, I appeared for my 12^th board. I thought let’s see what happens in the result. I was too frighten and don’t know what will happen and how it will happen. I remember during the result announcement at midnight my friends were there at my home in Saharanpur, we went to check out the results. I couldn’t see my Roll number in the newspaper, my friend’s roll number was there but not mine.

I checked twice, thrice, then I purchased a newspaper and went home to check the result. Still, I couldn’t see my roll number that means I am failed. This is said that if you do not overcome your fear it will turn into reality, so the same thing happens to me. My fear of getting fail came true. I got depressed and didn’t step out of the house for 3 months, I used to think about what to do next, as have no confidence or interest in the study, so no meaning of appearing for the exam again. I use to think that my world is finished. So this was the end of my education journey. I hope you might have remembered yours by reading mine.

MY FAMILY PHOTOS